Have you noticed that since the coronavirus hit it sent your relationship into “struggle-land”? If you said yes then you’re not alone. It’s natural to blame an outside source for what came in and disrupted your relationship.
First, let me acknowledge that coronavirus is a collective trauma. It’s real and it’s serious. During this time you may notice shifts in your mental health. It’s normal to experience this. What’s key is how you respond to those changes because it impacts your relationship.
Here are 4 truths to your relationship struggle during coronavirus:
One. Stop pointing your finger at the virus
Blaming the virus for the reason you’re at edge with your partner is like saying the fight about dishes is only about the dishes. For example, your partner leaves the dishes in the sink (sigh) again. Add in another sigh because they did this after you asked them five times (but who’s counting) to put them in the dishwasher.
Pointing your finger at coronavirus doesn’t “solve” the underlying issue of what’s triggering you or your partner in the relationship. Instead, it can be a way out to ignore and not confront what is truly going on in your relationship.
Two. Get out of doomsday
All relationships go through conflict. It’s healthy and it’s inevitable. The question is, can you separate the conflict from your biggest fears? I work closely with my clients on not going down a self fulfilling prophecy path of “expecting the worst and then creating it”.
Those doomsday vibes can rob your relationship from thriving. Focus right now on the gratitude within your relationship. This can easily help flip the mental script that’s been playing out in your mind.
Three. Marinate in discomfort
Sitting in the discomfort of your feelings never killed anyone. Plus it’s essential to moving through life and processing all the feels. Many of my clients express that prior to coronavirus they were able to “busy off” their feelings. They could let things “slide” in their relationship.
Being in a confined space and uncertain of when things will fully open again can feel uncomfortable as hell. As cliche as this sounds, a lot can grow outside of your comfort zone but only if you let it. This is the time to sit with all your feelings and not act them out in your relationship.
Four. Check your expectations
Your partner isn’t perfect and neither are you. One of you or both of you may not have the tools to cope with the stress of the pandemic. It’s ok to give yourself permission to let go of any expectations of how your relationship “should” be at the moment.
Right now is a perfect opportunity to focus on what it means to be present for you and your relationship. There isn’t a perfect way to do it but it is important that you learn to take life day by day. Use this time as an opportunity to show up differently in your relationship.
Want to know more ways you can get relationship help? Yes, please! (click here!)