“I ended the date because he supported Trump.” “I can’t seem to have any luck dating because my political beliefs align with Trump.” “We keep arguing because we don’t see eye to eye with Trump.” These are the echoes of some clients in my date coaching sessions. There is no denying that Trump does matter when it comes to dating. The question becomes, how much does Trump impact your dating life?
I’ve coached men and women who are for or against our current administration. I’ve also coached those who don’t give a fuck either. Although, the one thing Trump supporters and non-Trump supporters have in common is that they want love and connection.
Let’s take Trump out of the dating equation. It’s never really about Trump. Just like the couple fighting over dishes, it’s never about the dishes. Take away Trump and what falls into play is that you don’t align on your morals, values and culture.
Morals
Morals gives a person the foundation of their belief in right or wrong. It’s the threshold for certain behaviors and beliefs. It’s important to stick to your morals when dating. Why? Your morals are your compass when navigating the dating world.
“Treat others the way you want to be treated.” This saying comes down to morals. Maybe you’re offended by the way Trump has spoken about grabbing a woman by the pussy or maybe you feel it’s “ok” and “not so bad”. This is your moral compass. This is what drives you to feel what is right and wrong.
Dating someone who likes Trump vs. a non-Trump supporter could trigger your moral compass. It can make both people want to get the hell out of the date or instantly bond over moral.
Values
The foundation building blocks of who you are as a person and what dictates action all stem from values. When I work with clients I do a values exercise. It’s essential to understand what your values are and if they align with someone you’re looking to be romantic with.
There is no point in being in a relationship with someone who does not have your values. I don’t care how awesome the sex is. The reality is that if your values do not align with your date then the longevity of your romantic trajectory is very slim.
For example, you go on a date with someone and they do not value activism like you value activism. This would mean that you’re not going to see eye to eye on certain beliefs. As a result, when our values are crossed we tend to feel an emotional charge AKA turned off.
Culture
In our culture we all enforce gender roles, whether we like it or not. There has been a lot of controversy because of Trump’s actions toward women’s rights. This can affect both men and women who are dating on the most basic level.
For example, some feel chivalry is very alive and some feel it is very dead. I’ve had men clients who said they were raised to open doors for women. When they’re on dates they feel confused. They don’t want to offend their date by opening the door but it feels wrong not doing it as a result of their upbringing.
Meanwhile, I’ve had women clients who say they don’t need a man to open the door but they do want someone who is assertive in making date plans. It’s important to know what you feel comfortable with when it comes to our culture and gender roles.
But here’s the thing, there is more to dating than Trump. The questions should really be, what is your culture? What is your moral compass? What are your values? Let that guide you in love.
Got questions navigating the dating world? Reach out here!