Love. It’s powerful, confusing and it can totally rob us from relationships. It can eat away our hearts and cause them to break. But there is one key factor behind all love and that’s self-love. Why? Because self-love is beyond the #hashtag. Self-love is what creates thriving relationships.
Disclaimer: It’s important to note that a facial or getting take-out is a luxury and not self-love. It has been marketed and branded into being “self-love”. The way self-love is discussed below is defined as, strengthening the relationship with yourself through sustainable tools. Example: Seeking a coach to work through relationship or dating issues, practicing kind self-talk, removing toxic people from your life, stepping away from self-sabotage, etc.
1. Without self-love, you’ll be searching for it in others
You are the only one who can validate your love and worth. You can pick all the partners you want, but until you begin to practice self-love you may be disappointed that your partner failed to validate love in the relationship.
If you find yourself in toxic relationship patterns, don’t panic, but it may be that you’re not focusing on yourself. You might be looking for someone else to fill that void within. The more you turn toward yourself the less you’ll turn to a partner for it. This creates harmony in the relationship because you are no longer looking for others to “fix” your unresolved issues.
2. You can only love others as much as you love yourself.
Now I want you to know that you can still love others even if you don’t fully love yourself. But, the love that you give another can only be met as deep as the love you give yourself. If you’re not on good terms with yourself it’s hard to be there for another person.
When you can’t feel how worthy and loving you are then you can’t expect to give a deeper love to someone else. This may be reflected by picking partners that are emotionally unavailable. Although, keep in mind that self-love is a practice and it is possible to strengthen it for yourself and your relationship.
3. Self-love dictates the health of your relationship
Having a healthy relationship within sets the tone for every relationship in your life. If you can’t forgive yourself or treat your thoughts lovingly your relationship could suffer. You may find yourself being more critical of your partner when really you feel critical of yourself.
Healthy relationships are a place where both people can manage conflict, create emotional intimacy and be respectful. You need to allow space for this within in order to contribute to a healthy partnership. This will allow you to be open to having compassion for yourself around your flaws and mistakes. As a result, you may naturally have kinder thoughts towards your partners imperfections.
4. At the end of the day, you only have yourself
You are the only person you have to live with during your ups and downs. Yes, other can be affected as a result but you’re the one that has to spend time in your mind. It’s essential to practice self-love. The catch, there is no “perfect” way to do it, but there are tools you can use. If you continue to work toward it each day and step at a time then you’ll get there just like my clients have.
A question I ask my clients, “What are ways that you practice self-love in your dating life, relationship or breakup?” Now, I am asking you the same.
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